{oh pregnancy...}

Whenever I am not pregnant anymore, I miss it deeply. There is no comparable joy for me than feeling my baby kicking and rolling around inside my tummy. It's pretty incredible and I am definitely appreciative of what a tremendous blessing it is to experience that as I was once told I never would. Keeping that in mind, now that I am pregnant again, I'm beginning to remember all the reasons that make it so difficult for me as well.

1) The first is more of an annoyance than anything else: Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS). I have this all the time but it's relatively unnoticeable when I am not pregnant. However, when combined with my pregnancy hormones, the RLS gets out of control! There are some nights that I am all-but-crying as I lay awake in a sleepless misery knowing that the boys will wake up in only a few short hours expecting a fully-refreshed mommy (which I am not, half the time).

2) Another issue that has already started to occur (early compared to previous pregnancies) is a problem with fainting. I have a pregnancy-induced fainting disorder that my OB once called pregnancy-induced tachycardia and my other OB called some other medical name. Who knows. All I know is that I faint when I'm pregnant. A lot. And nothing seems to help. It happened three times with Dean and it was so common with Eli that I was actually hospitalized twice because of it (two abdominal landings - scary). I try to be better at recognizing when it's coming on, but sometimes there's just no preparing. I can already tell it will probably be worse this time (which leads me to believe that it gets worse with each pregnancy). Fun.

3) Oh, and on top of many other issues, have I ever mentioned that I am allergic to pregnancy? I pretty much mean that literally. When my pregnancy-related hormones grow as my pregnancy progresses I start to have a hormone-related infection that I can't fight off no matter how much I treat it (which is pretty much the whole pregnancy). I already have it this time, which is earlier than ever, and the scary part is that it causes early labor and has been narrowed down to being the most likely cause for Eli's early arrival. I sure hope we at least make it 36 weeks this time because the NICU is not fun.

4) Because of the combination of my thyroid issues, premature birth history and past miscarriage history, I am a high-risk pregnancy. We waited so long to share the pregnancy news this time; first, because it was such a surprise to even us; and second, (not because it seemed fun because let's face it, if you know me at all you know that I can't keep a secret) but because there was a huge risk that we would miscarry. There is still a relatively small risk, but we're pretty much in the clear.

Needless to say, Devin and I have known since before this pregnancy that if we had another, he or she would be our last. That is only more clear to us both as we experience this pregnancy and all that comes with it. I am a bit sick of people saying to us, "you're so young to think you know you're done having kids" or "what a drastic decision after only three" (People are pretty forthcoming with their opinions on this, I'm learning). Anyway, if others feel that way than perhaps they can continue having their easy, problem-free and fun pregnancies to "multiply and replenish the Earth". I honestly don't think Heavenly Father will be offended by the decision we are making as he knows best that we have our family's best interest at heart. Not to mention, I just cannot handle the panic I feel while pregnant even one more time. I am trying to savor all the joys this last time but I still constantly worry that something is wrong or that I will inevitably miscarry or go into premature labor - CONSTANTLY - which makes it tough. Still, we are so happy about our sweet baby girl on the way and I will be breathing much easier when she is born in May (emphasis on MAY).

Oh, and speaking of girl, here are some strange differences between this girl pregnancy and my past boy pregnancies.

1) This has been a VERY intuitive pregnancy for me. I am not being sarcastic or over-dramatic when I say that I started feeling pregnancy symptoms the DAY AFTER I became pregnant. Yep, that means that the fatigue, frequent urination, restless-leg syndrome, headaches, body aches and cravings started about three weeks before I could actually take an at-home test which drove me nuts. I never felt a thing with my boys until I missed my periods.

2) The ENDLESS nausea and vomiting! (I say "endless" because it still comes and goes.) I only threw up twice with Dean and realized quickly that it was only because anything with a tomato-based sauce (minestrone soup and spaghetti were my culprits) just didn't settle well during his pregnancy. Other than that, I felt great in regard to nausea with my boys.

3) New hair growth? While pregnant with my boys, my hair grew much quicker than normal so it's always long by the end of my pregnancies (loved that). This pregnancy, it seems like my hair isn't growing at all, but I am getting tons of new hairs sprouting around my forehead and partline instead (not loving that) so I have to wear my hair up to try and hide my new frizzies.

4) I am only 19 weeks and I am showing already. I didn't show even the slightest with Dean until about 22 weeks and not until about 25 weeks with Eli (could have been the surgery that delayed his bumpage). Everyone keeps saying, "oh, you're tiny, whatever." or "well, it is your third in under three years so what do you expect?" But I am still a bit perturbed about it. LOL. I am still excited to start showing though. That is, after all, one of the best part of pregnancy.