{9 years and counting}

It's official. As of today (well, yesterday now) I have been a member of the church for nine whole years. I feel old. I can't believe it has been nine years since I was a senior in High School.

Anyway, earlier tonight I fell asleep on Devin's lap on the couch and eventually decided I should make my way up to bed for a more practical sleep. But then I got there and my brain turned on. I lay there on my stomach with the light from the window shining over my shoulder in just a way that it reminded me of how I used to lay in the same position - belly down with my arms folded under my chin - years and years ago late at night. In middle school and even in high school, that is how I would lay in bed as I pondered where my life would take me in the future.

Do all kids do that? Ponder their future in their beds at night? I wondered if and when I would marry or if I would have kids. Would I go to college? What would I do for a living and where would I live? What would the world be like? Many of the questions would vary night to night, but I remember always wondering if I would be happy. And I am.

As I lay in bed tonight I couldn't help but think of how blessed I am - how so many different things in my life could have gone so many different ways than they did. But they didn't, thankfully, and now here I am with everything I'd ever hoped for as a kid. Amazing husband (though I don't tell him enough, I'm sure) - check. Beautiful kids - check. A home - check. Happiness - check, check, check.

I remember one particular night in the winter - I was in middle school - and everyone else had already gone to bed. It was just starting to snow outside and I was awake for it because I was laying pondering instead of sleeping. It felt so magical and somehow I ended up outside beneath a sky that looked like something from a dream - bright white and mysteriously foggy, how it usually looks when it first starts to snow at night I suppose. I stood on our front lawn at almost 2 in the morning just looking at the sky and soaking up the quiet, still of the moment and thinking nothing but hopeful thoughts about where I would be years in the future. I still often remember that night. I'm not sure why, really, but it's always there in my mind when there are probably so many more remarkable moments in my past that I've nearly forgotten.

Tonight I still find myself hopeful about the future, a future which will never again be entirely mine because I have my sweet family to share it with now. But that makes me feel afraid, too. Everything feels so wonderful right now that I just want to freeze time and keep things just this way forever. I don't ever want the wonder that glimmers in my babies' eyes as we talk about Santa to disappear, or for them to outgrow snuggles on the couch with Mom, or even for them to leave home on missions or to college for years. Dean actually promised me today that he would never leave home and I told him that would be okay if he lived with me forever, but he'll change his mind someday. And someday soon if time keeps flying by as quickly as it always does. And it will.

I guess the lesson that Heavenly Father wants me to remember today - and always - is to cherish each moment because time does indeed fly by and though I am so blessed to have an eternal family, there are some moments in this life that I cannot get back. I love my little family and know I am so blessed to have all that I do. I am blessed to have someone wondering where I am if I am running late, to have my husband's shoulder if I've had a hard day, and to have little arms welcoming me home with a shower of hugs from even the shortest of errands (seriously, even when I take out the garbage sometimes).

I wish I knew then what I know now - that I will be SO happy. I probably would have gotten a lot more sleep long ago. I love you, my little family, and I love my Savior and the gosple for bringing you to me. Here's to hoping for an eternity more of this!