{How to have a pain-free hysterectomy}

I never mentioned this on this good ol' blog a year ago, though some of you already know, but After we had Ava I had a tubal ligation. I didn't want to, I cried, agonized and prayed a lot over the decision and finally came to terms that it needed to be done. In fact, we were so sure that another pregnancy would be a terrible idea that Devin had a vasectomy, too. (Now, wouldn't a pregnancy after that have been divine intervention?) Anyhow, what good would it have been to add another little one to this family if it meant all these sweet babes may not have a mama to care for them? And that was the concern with any subsequent pregnancies - whether or not my pregnancy-faulty heart could last.

Well, after my tubal ligation my troubles REALLY began. I was worried about side-effects in the realm of awful monthly cycles that we waited to be sure my post-baby periods were normal for three cycles. They were just as they have been my whole life: regular, light, painless, and short. My OB/GYN assured me that if they were normal (read: "wonderful") before my tubal that they would be after. Wow, was he wrong! From my tubal ligation on I was have to stay home as much as possible for the first 2-3 days and set my alarm to wake my up hourly at night to avoid messy situations. I was getting "bladder infection" feelings and having severe cramping and nausea before, during and after my cycles.

I, of course, blame the tubal since it's the only factor in my life that changed. My OB/GYN, whom I adore, is in denial. Regardless, he finally decided about a month ago that something really needed to be done and he recommended a total hysterectomy (which is having the cervix and uterus removed - not the ovaries, thankfully). I was willing to try anything since he told me my uterus was twice the normal size with thickened lining. Not to mentioned it was folded causing the bladder pain and digestive issues. Eek!

So, Wednesday the 10th of November I said goodbye to my womb for good. Ironically, three years ago the same day I was using it to bring Eli into this world. (The only surgery date they had until 2011 was on his birthday.) I was so nervous before the surgery because it's a 2 1/2 hour surgery and that seems like a lot of time for something to go wrong. Kind of a negative attitude, but I was scared nonetheless. I had a blessing the morning of the surgery and really felt great after that. I probably should have had one sooner. Oh, and when the pathologist looked at my uterus, he diagnosed that I had something called ADENOMYOSIS. (click for info.)

I learned a lot with this procedure and want to pass it on. First, if you are done having kids, you DO NOT have to be in pain so if you are, tell your doc. Now, here are the other details that will save you:

1) You have to do a colyte cleanse the day before the procedure. If you don't want to suffer through this awful drink every 10 minutes for 5 hours, start your liquid diet 2-3 days prior to the surgery. I only had to drink the torturous beverage 5 times and actually could have stopped at one.

2) Tell the surgeon what you are afraid of. Throwing up after surgery? Well, they have a patch behind your ear for that. Nerves before surgery? They had a really nice IV drug for that. And pain after the surgery? They have a wonderful little thing called the OnQ pump for that. (They feed the catheter through a small incision in your abdomen and give you a purse to carry the bulb in. It sprays a continuous flow of anesthesia on your internal wounds for 3-5 days. Mine was still going strong at 4 when I pulled it out. I never felt pain after the surgery - even after I removed it!)

3) If you want to get out of the hospital quickly (though they require at least one overnight with the removal of the cervix - bummer), have them remove your catheter as soon as possible. You don't need it and walking will help you.

4) If you want to recover quickly at home (and drive sooner) avoid the vicodin and rely on the Ibuprofen only if and when necessary. If you get the OnQ Pump, you'll probably be fine without either.

5) If you want to survive your "resting" (because your husband makes you do it even though you feel fine - love you Dev) then have a good pile of books and/or a great friend who will come hang out and watch movies with you. Thank goodness I had both because my eyesight was a bit too funky for reading for the first couple days due to the OnQ Pump. Still fine for some Zac Efron movies with my best friend though. (You rock, Bon!)

That's all I can think of for now, but I am being so serious when I say that a hysterectomy was the easiest surgery I have ever undergone in regard to pain. I teased my OB/GYN that I think he didn't even do it! Of course, I still have to take it easy - no lifting - because I have incisions on my abdomen and stitches internally. But thank goodness I haven't had to feel any of them!

Oh, and the final kicker? New research is starting to suggest that in some patients (ahem, myself) tubal ligation can lead to/cause Adenomyosis. Annoying. But at least I get the bonus of no more periods out of all of this!