{gigantic}

My mom and sisters have been bugging me about preggo photos. As you can see from the picture, I am GIANT this time around - perhaps the third time's a charm? I was so blessed to be MUCH smaller with Eli's pregnancy, but whatever. I'll blame the bed rest I've had to deal with. (That's easier than blaming the holiday feasts, valentine's candy and Easter goodies that I've enjoyed over the past several months.)

I was playing around wondering how a baby even fits in this big ol' root-beer belly of mine - even though I probably look like I fit TWO in there. Something like this, I expect, but less squiggly looking...I'm not very good with an Adobe pencil but it was fun to play around.

{still waiting...}

I am actually very shocked to still be pregnant right now. And thankful. And a little annoyed. (aren't we all at this stage?) I think the annoyance comes from discomfort, which is to be expected, and I've only made things worse by hurting my...well, groin for lack of a more appealing word. I went to pick up what I thought was an empty bucket in the backyard last week and it had bricks in it! We can all appreciate what not bracing ourselves for something like that can feel like, pregnant or not. I immediately felt shooting pains right up my you-know-what and any movement (seriously, ANY) has been agonizing since then. I'm just concerned that now is not the best time to be injuring my southern-most regions as I am going to need those for some serious pushing whenever our sweet girl tries to make her debut...again. And as I have mentioned, I want to avoid an epidural. My doc said on Friday that he actually thinks I am feeling SPD (which he has mentioned me having a couple times now), but I think it's both. I feel the dislocated pelvic region pop in and out of place quite frequently - ouch - and I also feel a pulled muscle-type-feeling which is new to me, post-bucket, of course.

Speaking of making her debut, how would you feel if you officially tried to come into the world twice and were rejected BOTH times? I would be discouraged, to say the least. I'm nervous that she has given up and now I'll be pregnant forever. Irrational, I know, but the third trimester is no time to expect rational thinking to set in. And, if I make it past Wednesday (my 37-week mark) than this will officially be my longest pregnancy EVER. Strange to consider, knowing that this is the pregnancy that doctors have taken the most precautions to prepare for an early baby. I guess I should be thanking them for my extra sleep and lack of NICU bills. And I will. But I also intend to smack them if I go overdue *wink*. We are still weeks away from that, I know, but remember what I said about rational thinking?

The truth of the matter is that now I almost feel like making a new game of this. A game of how long will she actually stay in there now? My doc doesn't want to let me go past 38 weeks due to the Paroxysmal Tachycardia issues but I'm curious. What if she did stay in there for the long haul now? What would THAT labor be like when she finally tried again to come out of this giant belly of mine? Fast and easy? Well, either way, he initially wanted to induce once I was 37 weeks (which is CRAZY for him because he refuses inductions pre-39 weeks as far as anyone else has told me) but I convinced him to wait until 38. I doubt I can stall him again, but we'll see what happens. I know it's a little selfish, but I just want more sleep more than anything. Sure, I'm excited to meet her but I don't want to force her out of there if she has finally decided to wait. A womb is a GREAT free babysitter, after all. And my other issue with the induction is that I always enjoy the spontaneity of going into labor (not that I haven't already experienced that twice in this pregnancy, but still). Since this is our last, I want to soak up the fun and chaos of it all as much as possible. I don't want to just walk into the hospital and say, "hi, I'm here to have my baby now."

Maybe I'll be humming a different tune by next week though...or tomorrow. I'm pretty sure consistency is just as lacking as rational though during this last leg of pregnancy.

(P.S. That is not my belly, just a picture that I love - I think it's sweet. And I actually think the foot is photo-shopped - a baby shouldn't have a foot arch developed quite like that, or a foot that big for that matter, while still in the womb - but I still like it.)

{duckies & updates}

We walked to the park down the street to feed the ducks on Sunday afternoon. This took some convincing for Devin because he was bitten by a brown recluse spider on Saturday morning and his foot was swollen to about 8 times its normal size (no joke, it jiggled when he walked - photos below don't do what it really looked like at first any justice). He decided that he could manage the hobble there and back with us, after all, and off we went.

After we returned from the park I started having really sharp pains in my back and abdomen that were consistent with my growing-in-frequency contractions. We didn't hesitate long on the decision to go to the hospital just in case they could do anything about it. When we arrived there, they admitted me without any monitoring and started timing the contractions. When I first arrived my contractions were 6-7 minutes apart and I was still only dilated to a 4 and 70% effaced (good news). The next two hours the contractions came every 4-5 minutes with growing back pain. I was 80% effaced and 4.5 cm dilated at my next cervix check (not so good). They offered a terbutaline shot to stop labor, once again, but couldn't give it to me because my heart rate was already too high to tolerate it. So they pumped Stadol and Phenigren into my IV instead hoping that they would act as a relaxant to my uterus. Well, I was relaxed, that's for sure. (I couldn't even utter two words without slurring and nearly drooling. Haha.) My contractions intensified over the next couple hours but when a cervix check was done again at midnight, no change since the last. So, I asked if we could go home because I was SO uncomfortable. They said no. Then I begged if we could go home. They still said no.

By 2am the contractions were every 3 minutes and by 4am they were every 2 minutes but my cervix and effacement stayed the same. At this point they confirmed that I was definitely in labor and gave me three bags of Penicillin to counteract Group B Strep just in case (I already know I'm negative, but whatever) and gave more Stadol and Phenigren for the pain. The doctor finally said if there was still no change by 8am that I could go home but when the time came they said never mind and that I couldn't leave until noon. Urg! We just kept saying the WHOLE TIME "we don't want to have her yet" and "If you are sure I am not progressing, I would rather cope with this pain at home in my own comfy bed" but they wouldn't allow it. Once they finally did released me, they didn't give ANYTHING for the pain which, truthfully, I think was an accident and an oversight, but still ridiculous. Oh, and my discharge instructions from the hospital were: STRICT BED REST! (I scoffed that off pretty quickly because I knew that they assumed we hadn't tried that yet and my Doc said "no way, don't bother" about it today when I asked him. I agree with him.)

The contractions finally died down to bearable again by late yesterday afternoon and are not painful at all today. Sorry to everyone calling yesterday. The phone was ringing off the hook and I was ignoring it because it was too difficult to maintain conversation through the contractions. I am okay and our sweet girl is hanging in there. We are 36 weeks tomorrow and, with a little luck, we will make it to our goal of 37 weeks next week. My Doc said that if I do happen to dilate even a little more (to a 5 or more) it will probably throw me into labor but since I am past the safe-zone tomorrow (36 weeks) that I don't have to limit myself in any way. So, RELAY FOR LIFE, here I come this Friday. I may only do a lap or two, but I'll be there unless I really am in labor. Thanks for all the phone calls and concern everyone. We're fine, happier, and MUCH more comfortable today. Oh, and Devin went to the Doc and got some antibiotics for his foot, so the swelling has gone WAY down.

{normal foot}

{the cankle}

{happy birthday Dev}

Today is Devin's 28th birthday. I have to say, he is a bit difficult to purchase a gift for because, well, he's a tech geek and all the things that would bring him joy are technologically beyond my level of understanding. Any little doodad or gadget that he fancies would certainly be something that I know absolutely nothing about and would never have, even in my wildest dreams, thought of getting him. As a result, he usually gets to pick out his own birthday gifts, which I actually think he likes doing (I hope). But it takes all the fun of surprising him away from me.

So, this morning I woke up early with Dean and we made Dev a big breakfast before he headed off to work. Dean was so excited to help and is actually a pretty good assistant in the kitchen. He stirred the pancake batter, helped crack the eggs and taste-tested the ham and the fruit. Although, he did keep reminding me that he was more interested in helping make the cake. (More like helping taste the cake.)

Happy birthday, Dev. We love you and hope you have a FABULOUS day. At work. And school. Okay, don't worry, we'll make sure we celebrate tomorrow evening instead. Thanks for being so wonderful at all you do!

The happy helper.

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Devin is not a big fan of cake so I debated making one. I finally decided I would because every time I told Dean about Daddy's upcoming birthday, he was so excited to help make the cake. Instead of making the "Thomas The Train" cake that Dean kept suggesting (he's never even seen that show either), I took a more manly approach and made this T-Bone steak cake. It took A LOT of red food coloring. (Eli was asleep by the time Dev came home from school so he's not pictured.)

{happy campers}

So, we've had a FABULOUS day today and Dean wanted to share his oh-happy-day face with everyone. Seriously, isn't that just the biggest smile you've ever seen? Anyway, here's the quick report:

Dean and Eli went to my friend Bonnie's house for a short while so I could go to the doctor (Thanks Bonnie) and Eli DIDN'T cry the whole time in a separation-anxiety fueled tantrum like he usually does. YAY!

Dean got to eat three mini chocolate bunnies AND some jelly beans from his Easter stash. Need I say more? Well, I will because Daddy also brought home Despereux (which I didn't actually like in theaters because it was a bit gloomy, but Dean was excited nonetheless).

I had another cervix check and am proud to report that I am still, even after a weekend of intense and continuous contractions, only dilated 3.5 cm. My faith is restored today that there is a GREAT chance I can make it to next week and maybe even 37 weeks. Woohoo! The latest we'll have the baby is May 6th because, although I was able to negotiate from a 37-week medical induction, to 38 weeks (I want to see how long I can make it naturally and really want to avoid being induced), my doc is not willing to let me go past that but still doesn't think I'll make it that far anyway. I am so excited at the thought of actually getting to spend time with our sweet Ava just after birth, which is something we could not do with Eli. Each day she hangs in there, the better I feel. So, tomorrow will be great and next Wednesday (36 weeks) will be AMAZING!

Oh, and this is Eli's happiest face. He is a bit more stingy with his elation. "Stoic", if you will.

*Thanks so much for all the comments and support on the last post. I can't even describe how much I needed to hear all of your encouraging words. You are all the best and I'm so grateful for each of you and the prayers you have been saying for us throughout this pregnancy. We feel them and they are definitely being heard. We love you all so much and are grateful for such wonderful friends. Thanks again!*

{feeling the need to defend myself}

Someone said something that hurt my feelings recently and it has been on my mind for quite some time now. I guess it's not too difficult to hurt a pregnant lady's feelings, especially the nearer they get to the end of the pregnancy, but it did nonetheless.

I just want to say that I am completely stuck between a rock and a hard place these days with this pregnancy, especially currently. I am trying to make the best decisions that I can in regard to the health and safety of our sweet Ava while also keeping my own sanity as well as my family's needs in mind. I spent the month of January on bed rest (although I didn't realize I was supposed to more strict about it until I was relieved of it, so an honest mistake there). And then, I just spent the last month on bed rest again. Although I was not capable of laying in my bed 24/7, I did the best that I could with two toddlers to care for and a husband gone the majority of the time. I have been so blessed to receive meals, much-needed grocery items, books and sudoko to occupy my time, and even babysitting assistance from my wonderful ward members and could not have made it without their help. Over the last couple weeks I have laid down more than I can ever remember which required patience and sacrifice from my husband and my children on several occasions.

Some people have asserted that I have not done my part since the boys were still here with me or because the house was clean when they stopped by, but I have done my part, trust me. That being said, I have been on countdown-mode for the day to come that I would be relieved from bed rest because I am not allowed to drive which means no leaving home during the days - so not being able to do things even during evenings or weekends with Devin or friends has been really difficult for me. Sure, "home is where the heart is" but home gets REALLY boring when you can't leave...ever. So, much to my delight, the time finally comes that the doctor says "no more bed rest" but not-so-delightfully, it came with a 3.5cm cervix dilation. Bittersweet, to say the least. I asked my doctor if he honestly thinks I should still take it easy and he flat-out said "not at all" and that "it won't matter at this point". Even when I lay down, I contract. Physical activity has been relatively non-existant the past month and yet, I dilated. So, what causes me to dilate? We're not actually sure but I contract whether I am sitting down or walking around so it is probably that. Again, physical activity has nothing to do with the contractions either, my doc calls my uterus obnoxious at this point, so you get the idea. It does what it wants.

So, here's the dilemma.

Rock = Perhaps I should overrule my doc's advice and keep up the bed rest even though it hasn't done any good thus far and will probably not make a difference. This means however, that I still can't accomplish the few important pre-baby errands that I've been needing to run before Ava makes her debut (I'm not talking frivolous ones, there are a couple things that we really need to take care of before she comes). And if I don't get some of them done now, after she comes will be tough too considering the whole six-week rule - longer if she's a preemie which, truthfully, I'm sure she will be at this point but we'll see. (It's really up to her, not me.)

Hard Place = I could just take my doc's (who I trust VERY MUCH) advice and know that he knows what he's talking about and has a medical degree and years of experience to back it up. This means I can run errands with Devin's help behind the wheel, clean house to my heart's content, go for walks, etc. However, this route seems to rouse some judgments from others that by doing this, "it's my own fault" if I have Ava early (which I think is a TERRIBLE thing to say to someone. Why would you even suggest that such guilt should loom over a Mommy's head if labor did occur early?)

So, either way: lose/lose situation.

However, I have chosen a middle alternative and have still taken it easy while at home but have also run a couple errands (that I have been needing to do for weeks now) with Devin. To be honest, I was a pretty lame errand companion because I waited in the car for one errand, sat on the bench during a lengthy check-out on another errand, and only actually participated fully in one errand only because it required my presence. I am trying my best to listen to my body and to take cues to sit down and take a break. I'd like to think I'm doing a good job at being a responsible preggo but just keep getting the feeling that I'm being judged by a couple people that perhaps don't understand how hard it has actually been and have never even been in a similar situation. It's unfair to assert that if something goes wrong (which I obviously pray that nothing does) or that the baby comes early that I am to blame because I did what my doctor said was safe to do.

If you know me at all, you know I am a busy body and always working on something. Yet, at this time (what could be only days before Ava comes) I still don't even have her nursery done. And it's killing me, but that, alone, should be proof that I've been obedient and have taken it easy. :o)

{conflicted}

I went to the doctor today and - GOOD NEWS - I am no longer on bed rest!

More good news is that I am almost dilated to a 4 (3.5cm)! Oh, wait, that would be good news a couple weeks from now. I'm not sure how I feel about it at 34 weeks though. The bed-rest order has been canceled because my cervix proved that it didn't help any (I think it probably helped a little) at delaying dilation, which my doctor kept warning that "it probably wouldn't". I guess I proved him right.

I have been saying the past several weeks that "I'll feel much better if I can make it to 34 weeks" and actually felt the need to celebrate when I hit that mark. But now that I'm here and dilated almost to the in-labor stage I am hoping and praying for at least one more week. And when I am 35 weeks I know I'll be hoping and praying to make it to 36. I sure am difficult to please these days. (wink)

I keep telling people that the joke will be on me when I go overdue after all the precautions taken: shots, pills and the oh-so-lovely bed rest. But then the doctor told me today that if I don't go on my own in the next couple weeks, which he almost guarantees that I will, than he will have to do an early medical induction because of other issues. I have to say, I have NEVER wanted to be induced so I am not entirely thrilled about that, but we'll see what happens.

I can't wait to meet our sweet girl but I then again, I want to for her sake. Plus, since this is our last pregnancy I feel the need to soak up as many of those little pokes, wiggles and kicks before it ends since I'll never get to have that experience again.

Oh, and lastly, Devin's birthday is next Thursday so hopefully I don't have her then. Otherwise, he's going to be having some joint princess parties with his little girl for the next several years of his life. Hahahaha. Oh gosh, that would be so funny. (Sorry Dev, but I would enjoy every minute of watching you blow out the candles on your very-own matching Barbie cake.)

{moment of panic}

This morning I awoke to the familiar sound of Eli rustling around near my bed. I managed to talk myself into opening one eye to see what he was up to and caught sight of the little monkey trying to scale my drawers so that he could reach my wedding rings. I quickly popped my head up, though still in a half-asleep daze, and shooed him away to "go play". Then I rested in my bed for a couple minutes more wondering why my little stinkers - I mean children - refuse to sleep past 7am. I finally forced my lazy body up and made the bed, after which, I reached for my wedding rings like I always do.

Oh no! My engagement ring was still safely nestled in its usual spot but my wedding band was gone.

I searched my bedside desperately. Did it fall behind my dresser? No. Did it fall on the side of my dresser? No. Did it somehow fall into one of my dresser drawers? No, no and no. (Now panic was setting in and I remembered Eli's loitering only ten minutes before.)

"Eli? Where's Mommy's ring?" I called knowing full-well that there's no way he was going to answer with any sort of rational response. So, instead I decided to try to think how he thinks and began visiting all his favorite places. Was it in his ball basket? No. Was it in his matchbox-car basket? No. Was it in the big-truck basket? No.

At that point my eyes started to tear up in a panic over never finding my band again and tried to remind myself that "it could be worse" and "at least it's not my engagement ring (which Devin custom designed)". Just as those encouraging thoughts entered my mind, I remembered Eli's favorite thing of all. The toilet.

I rushed into the bathroom and peered into the empty toilet bowl knowing that his favorite thing about the toilet is, after all, the flusher. Well, if he had flushed it, it's a lost cause but I continued wracking my brain. Then I remembered another one of Eli's favorite pastimes. Eating. Eating anything no matter how inedible or disgusting. I decided to continue looking dreading the thought of dirty-diaper digging the next couple days. Would a wedding band retrieved in such circumstances even be worth saving?

Just as my panic was about to reach an all-time high and just as I was considering throwing myself on the floor in a fit of despair, Eli rounded the corner of his bedroom with his race-car bucket in tow. Why didn't I think of that? (And why is the little punk playing instead of helping me?)

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I vow to always hide my rings from the monkey from this moment on and I'm so glad I found it!

{early easter}

Grandy and Grandpa came to Houston for the day yesterday so we had an early Easter and the boys looked so sweet in their little Easter outfits.

The boys had fun easter-egg hunting with Grandy and Grandpa and LOVED their Easter basket goodies too.

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This short, but sweet, Easter lesson was too good not to pass along. You'll need: 5 plastic Easter eggs - blue, purple, yellow, green and orange small photo of a donkey a cracker nails a rock

*Blue egg contents* Let the child hold the donkey. (Use a picture of a donkey printed on your computer to go in the blue egg) Read Matthew 21:1-9 Jesus was coming to Jerusalem for Passover. Some people cut palm branches from trees and handed them out for people to wave. Some people laid their coats on the street like a carpet. Jesus rode into the city on a donkey. “Hosanna! ” the people cheered as they waved their palm branches. Some people cheered, “Hail to our King!” Jesus rode through the town on a donkey because when a king rode on a donkey it meant he would bring peace. God loves us so much that He sent Jesus to set us free and bring us peace.

*Purple egg contents* Let the children eat the piece of cracker. (Use any cracker your child likes) Matthew 26:17-19, 26-30. Jesus and His disciples (the 12 men who helped Jesus tell others about God) celebrated Passover together. They went upstairs to a room in a house in Jerusalem. Jesus washed His disciples’ feet to remind them that they were to care for others. Then Jesus and the disciples shared a special meal. Jesus knew it would be His last meal with His friends. Jesus knew He had to follow God’s plan for His life and die for our sins.

*Yellow egg contents* Let the children hold the nails. (Show them how to make the 2 nails into a cross.) John 19:16-22 Jesus had to be nailed to the cross to die for our sins because it was God’s plan. The people who loved Jesus were very sad. Jesus did not deserve to be punished. He had not done anything. Jesus died so that we could be forgiven. The Bible says in John 3:16,”For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life.”

*Green egg contents* Let the children hold the rock. (Use a rock from your yard) Matthew 28:1-2 After Jesus died one of his followers wrapped Jesus’ body in cloth and put it in a tomb. The tomb was a special tomb cut into the rock in a hillside.. A big stone was rolled in front of the tomb to close the entrance. Guards were posted to guard the tomb. Jesus followers were very sad that Jesus had died.

*Orange egg contents* It is empty. Matthew 28:5-8 Early the next morning a lady named Mary Magdalene went to visit the tomb. When she came to the tomb the big rock had been rolled away. The tomb was empty. It was good news! Jesus was alive! Jesus went to heaven to be with God. Jesus was punished for our sins so that some day we will get to go to heaven to be with God and Jesus.

{april fools!}

The conversation with Dean regarding this silly snack was pretty funny...

Mommy: "Dean, did you know it's April Fools Day today?"
Dean: "Yeah! That means I get food!"
(I think he's gathered that we usually make a fun snack on mini-holidays...or we never feed him.)
Mommy: "You know what we should eat? What about mud and dirt?"
Dean: "Okay [so excited]! That would taste yummy!"
Mommy: "And we could eat worms too."
Dean: "Um, no. Just dirt. We shouldn't eat worms. They're too wiggly."

He's such a goof. I thought it was funny that he was totally fine with mud and dirt (such a boy) but couldn't muster the thought of eating worms. At least he drew the line somewhere. We had a pretty good conversation about not eating real mud, dirt and worms outside so hopefully he understood. Oh, and he ate the worms after all, and loved them. A guy after my own heart - I LOVE those things!

Best part of all: this was Eli's face when he was done. I think I'll help him next time.

{daddy's boy}

Dev took these photos of Eli while testing the camera. We've been trying to get a picture of his goofy tongue face for a while. This doesn't quite capture the tongue-face we usually see him making, but it's close. He's such a goofball.